Beard Psycology 101

Some of you may have noticed from pictures on the family page, or by seeing me in person that I currently have something more than a little scruff or dirt on my chin. Yes, it is an all out BEARD. This beard has almost made me wish I was a psychology student, but I'm still against knowingly punishing myself so that will never happen.

People I'm sure have wondered: how can he have a beard at a school known for its strict anti-beard policy? I'm sure people on campus have wondered this. Let's just say that before the beard people would walk by me looking at their toes, now they walk by staring at my chin. I don't think its because people are generally more outgoing this semester either.

To date, only two people have actually asked me if I have the fabled "beard card". Surprisingly neither of them were my research advisor either. Both of them were in the physics department. This is surprising considering I've received services in the student health center, the Wilkinson Student center, the key office, and the bookstore. In fact the girl who took the picture you see on my student ID didn't ask me either. How could she do that?

Perhaps some of you are wondering if I walked up to the right people carrying a couple Benjamins for moral support. Those who know me better know that I don't have the money to indulge my fancies in that manner. So maybe I'm just gutsy? Maybe I think I'm getting away with something?

It's interesting to watch people's eyes and to see them struggle between assuming that I wouldn't have grown it so long if I didn't have the right permissions, and wanting to dislike me for blatantly ignoring an honor system they so loyally adhere to. My favorite reaction was actually not even on campus. It was from my neighbor. Upon opening her door to me one day she exclaimed "What in the world is that?!!!" As though I was cradling an alien. Actually, I was impressed that there wasn't a four letter word included in that. I replied, "It's a beard". "You can't have a beard," was the reply. "Why not?" I responded.

I have to admit this has been kind of fun for me. I wonder if anyone has taken the effort to contact the Honor Code Office. If they have, I haven't been notified. Oh, and by the way, there is no such thing as an "official beard card" at BYU.

How to Solve Global Warming AND Terrorist States

With Al Gore whining... I mean winning the Nobel Peace Prize and all the hype about global warming in the news (most of it politicized or false by the way), and various fears over Iran or North Korea developing nuclear weapons with yet another Middle East state jumping in to develop nuclear technology (Egypt) I have been doing some serious thinking lately. It just so happens that I think we can kill two birds with one stone here.

Now, let me start with what got me onto this train of thought. I was listening to a conservative radio talk show host the other day while driving my kids around (this happens a lot lately), and he was complaining about how big a hypocrite Al is because he flies everywhere in a private jet. Well, Al is a hypocrite, but flying in a private jet is actually the ONE thing Al may be doing for global warming. You see, jet emissions actually have a COOLING effect on the atmosphere. (They do emit greenhouse gases, yet they also break down other greenhouse gasses through chemical processes, and the emissions contain particles which reflect sunlight rather than trap it. In the three days following 9/11 when commercial aircraft were grounded the average surface temperature in some areas increased dramatically.) However, he is not lestening our dependence on foriegn oil by this action either. Suddenly it occured to me: there is something we can do to take care of terrorist states and cool the atmosphere at the same time. Now I must warn: the weather is a caotic machine and there is really no telling what effect any one action will have long term. But what I am about to suggest will have a definite immediate cooling effect that could last as long as 50 to 100 years or more depending on proliferation. Oops, I don't think I meant to drop a buzz word so early.

The idea is really simple. We nuke 'em. I'm guessing we'll only have to do this once, maybe twice to get the point across to some really thick headed people, but it's going to have a couple of immediate consequences. First, the ash and dirt thrown into the atmosphere will generally create cooler temperatures to buy some time while we try to figure out if we're really on the verge of killing the entire planet through carbon dioxide poisoning (yeah, it does sound silly doesn't it). Second, people are going to know that WE ARE SERIOUS. None of this running from building to building getting shot at, or running over roadside bombs, or suicide bombers.

If somebody wants to take out a couple of Americans with a suicide bomb, they better pray to Allah that we don't find out what nation they're from when it's over. Cause everybody at home is going to pay. Let's see... is 72 virgins worth having my country vaporize into thin air? Hmmmmm... that's going to be a tough one.

You can forget about problems with Iran and North Korea with this new policy. The best way to avoid nuclear war is not to wait until everyones got a missile and then hope you can talk them all into dismantling them. Let me tell you what'll happen. They are going to do exactly what you're going to do.... they're going to keep them just in case you don't destroy yours. They way to end it is to use the weapons while you're the only one who has them. It's hard to develop nuclear techonolgy when somebody else's nuclear technology keeps blowing up your experiments.

Now what about retaliation from those who already have nuclear weapons? Well, let's just say once one goes off, nobody is going to be racing to be the next one in line to light the match. Especially if we take a page out of Dr. Strangelove's book and make it very clearly known that we've got a death wish... I mean a doomsday device, and we're not afraid to use it. Resorting to the doomsday device would most likely put an end to global warming as long as the human race would survive.

While we're at it I think we should embark on a new age of colonization. Everything we enjoy today was built on the shoulders of such "capitalist ventures" if you will, and there's no reason to not expand the prosperity of the American public by starting up again. It can all be done in the name of rebuilding or whatever PC term is attached to the aftermath of our "shoot first, ask questions later" policy.

Anyway, I could go on and on about the details of this plan and what it would mean. But think about it... two birds with one stone. Really.

Scary Movies

So with K down for the count, and this being the month of October, and being forced to get the majority of the cleaning chores out of the way at night... I have been priviledged with the opportunity to watch an aweful lot of scary movies. Which is great, because I love scary movies. They don't really scare me... well except for two types. One is psycological thrillers like Psycho, which I still watch because they fascinate me. The other is ANY type of scary movie involving dolls or a doll. For instance, I will never watch Child's Play. Once, when I was little I saw a Twighlight zone episode involving dolls. Later on as a teenager I recall coming home from a play rehearsal late at night to catch the end of a movie where a room full of dolls came to life with their own grisly agenda. That did it in for me.

I have to admit though watching scary movies night after night after night as started to have a little effect on me. For instance, the night I watched Night of the Living Dead, I was standing upstairs in the bedroom when Kallie came around the corner of the hallway stumbling half asleep with her arms out in front of her. Catching her out of the corner of my eye made me catch my breath for a second.

The effect on me hasn't been as profound as the effect on Dandy I think though. I've been walking Dandy at night. Usually as we walk past yards with other dogs, she ignores them for the most part. But the other night one dog was incredibly persistant in its barking so I resorted to something I use to do with dogs all the time... I barked back. Dandy was just short of performing a standing 180. When she realized it was just me she pretended like nothing had happened, but now when she thinks something is scary on TV, she goes up to sleep in the bedroom.

The effect of scary movies on small children is interesting too. Sometimes at night I've had to rock Little K to sleep. I don't let her see the TV, but she can still hear it, and she doesn't know it's supposed to be scary. Her reaction to it is remarkably pure and simple. Her response to what she hears is that the people on the TV need their mommies and daddies. She actually becomes very concerned sometimes that they won't find their parents. Once I even had to change the channel and tell her that they found their parents okay, because she was so concerned.

Being Mr. Mom

During the past two and a half months I've had an interesting look into the world of child rearing that I've never experienced before. Though K was very sick with both previous children I have never had an opportunity like this. With B, we had no other children and we moved K back with her family to help take care of her. With Little K, Auntie M played with B a lot while I still focussed mainly on school. This time around the kids were supposed to be spending a lot more time with G&G, but sometimes plans change when things come up. So I've had the interesting perspective of being a short term single parent taking care of a sick family member while still going to school. Thank goodness there is a definite end to this.

Something happens to a person when they have to raise a child day in and day out. I never understood why there seems to be a trend among mothers of feeling guilty over their parenting techniques, and why they beat themselves up so much over raising their kids. Well, I'm beginning to see. I have never felt so, well, guilty. Every time I discipline or interact with my children I'm suddenly asking myself if I'm being too hard. They're so little! Everytime I get exasperated with my kids I can just here God chiding me with the same sentence in the same tone of voice for not doing better like I know that I can. Oh, man. And that's just the tip of the ice berg.

Playing mother is either equivalent to walking around with a psycological complex, or men (at least me in particular) are just not cut out for doing such important work.