How to Solve Global Warming AND Terrorist States

With Al Gore whining... I mean winning the Nobel Peace Prize and all the hype about global warming in the news (most of it politicized or false by the way), and various fears over Iran or North Korea developing nuclear weapons with yet another Middle East state jumping in to develop nuclear technology (Egypt) I have been doing some serious thinking lately. It just so happens that I think we can kill two birds with one stone here.

Now, let me start with what got me onto this train of thought. I was listening to a conservative radio talk show host the other day while driving my kids around (this happens a lot lately), and he was complaining about how big a hypocrite Al is because he flies everywhere in a private jet. Well, Al is a hypocrite, but flying in a private jet is actually the ONE thing Al may be doing for global warming. You see, jet emissions actually have a COOLING effect on the atmosphere. (They do emit greenhouse gases, yet they also break down other greenhouse gasses through chemical processes, and the emissions contain particles which reflect sunlight rather than trap it. In the three days following 9/11 when commercial aircraft were grounded the average surface temperature in some areas increased dramatically.) However, he is not lestening our dependence on foriegn oil by this action either. Suddenly it occured to me: there is something we can do to take care of terrorist states and cool the atmosphere at the same time. Now I must warn: the weather is a caotic machine and there is really no telling what effect any one action will have long term. But what I am about to suggest will have a definite immediate cooling effect that could last as long as 50 to 100 years or more depending on proliferation. Oops, I don't think I meant to drop a buzz word so early.

The idea is really simple. We nuke 'em. I'm guessing we'll only have to do this once, maybe twice to get the point across to some really thick headed people, but it's going to have a couple of immediate consequences. First, the ash and dirt thrown into the atmosphere will generally create cooler temperatures to buy some time while we try to figure out if we're really on the verge of killing the entire planet through carbon dioxide poisoning (yeah, it does sound silly doesn't it). Second, people are going to know that WE ARE SERIOUS. None of this running from building to building getting shot at, or running over roadside bombs, or suicide bombers.

If somebody wants to take out a couple of Americans with a suicide bomb, they better pray to Allah that we don't find out what nation they're from when it's over. Cause everybody at home is going to pay. Let's see... is 72 virgins worth having my country vaporize into thin air? Hmmmmm... that's going to be a tough one.

You can forget about problems with Iran and North Korea with this new policy. The best way to avoid nuclear war is not to wait until everyones got a missile and then hope you can talk them all into dismantling them. Let me tell you what'll happen. They are going to do exactly what you're going to do.... they're going to keep them just in case you don't destroy yours. They way to end it is to use the weapons while you're the only one who has them. It's hard to develop nuclear techonolgy when somebody else's nuclear technology keeps blowing up your experiments.

Now what about retaliation from those who already have nuclear weapons? Well, let's just say once one goes off, nobody is going to be racing to be the next one in line to light the match. Especially if we take a page out of Dr. Strangelove's book and make it very clearly known that we've got a death wish... I mean a doomsday device, and we're not afraid to use it. Resorting to the doomsday device would most likely put an end to global warming as long as the human race would survive.

While we're at it I think we should embark on a new age of colonization. Everything we enjoy today was built on the shoulders of such "capitalist ventures" if you will, and there's no reason to not expand the prosperity of the American public by starting up again. It can all be done in the name of rebuilding or whatever PC term is attached to the aftermath of our "shoot first, ask questions later" policy.

Anyway, I could go on and on about the details of this plan and what it would mean. But think about it... two birds with one stone. Really.