My Mistress

A lawyer and a doctor were argueing one day over whether it was better to have a wife or a mistress.

"A mistress is the best," said the lawyer. "She's there when you want her, you're not tied if you see something better, and when its over there are no messy issues to be settled in court."

"Not so!" said the doctor. "Medical research very cleary shows that married people live happier, more stable lives. They are healthier and live longer when in a monogomous relationship."

Just then a physicist passed by, and the lawyer and doctor decided to settle the debate with a third opinion.

"Which do you think is better?" they asked the physicist, "to have a wife or a mistress?"

"Why, both of course!" said the physicist, "that way while each thinks you're with the other, you can get to the lab and get some work done!"

And thus explains my wife's comment that I have been blogging about my mistress, the 657 nm laser. I have to admit, red lasers are pretty sexy. The problem with a laser, however, is that it will never love you as much as you love it. I suppose that's why I keep going back to it. It is true that physics is a very demanding job, but those who do it, do it because they love it.

We're like super engineers except the stuff we build takes forever to make it work and in the end won't improve your quality of life. At the same time, an engineer could'nt build all that stuff you actually buy if some physicist hadn't been tinkering in his lab while his wife toyed with thoughts of divorce (It's actually not very funny because it really is true. More than one man has traded his family for a shot at the Nobel Prize).

I recently went to a conference where a man named Charles Townes (the first man to build a successful maser) spoke. He is 93 years old and still works 6 day work weeks. Amazingly his first and only wife was there with him. She got up to say a few words too: "Over the past 68 years Charlie has had two mistresses..... guess which one I am?!...." She was a pretty funny lady. She has a pendant made from a piece of the ruby crystal that Charles Townes built his maser out of. One day, they were sitting at a table with another man who worked on masers and his wife. She was showing off her pendant and how beautiful it was. Later that night, the other woman turned to her husband and said "When am I going to get a ruby?" "Dear," he replied, "my maser is made out of cyanide!" She never brought it up again I imagine. Mrs. Townes also wrote a book about being the wife of a physicist. I suppose I should get a copy of it for Katie to read.

Anyway, I'll leave you with another little story:
One day two princesses were walking through the forest and they came across a talking frog. "Pick me up and give me a kiss and I will turn into the best baker in all the world," croaked the frog. So the princess picked him up and kissed him. Sure enough, the frog turned into a baker who made the most exquisite pies and pastries anyone had ever tasted.

Some time later, the two ladies were again walking through the forest when they came across another frog. "Pick me up and kiss me and I will turn into the most incredible hair dresser in all the world," croaked the frog. The princess picked him up and kissed him, and sure enough the two ladies hair dos were the always at the forefront of fashion and beauty.

And yet again, the princesses were wondering through the forest for a third time when they came across a frog. "Pick me up and kiss me and I will become the brightest physicist and will invent and build many wonderful things!" said the frog. The princess bent down, picked up the frog, and put him in her pocket. "Why did you do that?" asked the other princess. "Because," replied the first, "everyone knows that a talking frog is more valuable than a physicist!"